Book Review: Angel Unaware

Book Review #1

Angel Unaware: A Touching Story of Love and Loss

Author: Dale Evans Rogers

Beautiful baby girl!

Book Description:  “When entertainers Roy Rogers and Dale Evans Rogers discovered their new baby, Robin, had Down syndrome, they were determined to take her home and give her their love. And somehow during her brief life Robin was helping Roy and Dale draw closer to God and to each other.

Told from Robin’s point of view in heaven, Angel Unaware is a touching story that has inspired millions of readers around the world.” {Amazon.com}

The Good:  The book is under 100 pages and can easily be read within an hour. Certain details in the story give the reader great insight about what life was like for parents of the disabled during the 1950s. Clearly, the Rogers were an amazing family that loved all of their children unconditionally and celebrated Robin wherever they were. She was obviously the light of their life, proven by the tidbits about how much Will Rogers would photograph her and how Dale would interact with her whenever possible.

The Bad:  With Wes being alive {Thank GOD}, I was unable to relate to the loss of a child. Yes, I did go through a form of grief when I first found out that Wes has Down syndrome, but I was very honest with my feelings when I expressed them with others or in writing. This book glosses over the events that happened in the Roger’s two years with Robin as well as the feelings they experienced throughout her short life. I would have expected from a mother who had just lost a child to write a heart wrenching book discussing the highs and occasional lows of motherhood, balancing work with family, and the struggles of staying afloat under so much adversity regarding children with disabilities during the early 1950s. That kind of a book would have received great praise from me since it would touch upon all aspects of being a parent of a child with Down syndrome in that era.

The Ugly:  The story was written by Dale Rogers using her perception of what her daughter would be saying about the events of her life post mortem through dialogue with God. Does that make sense? Yes, quite odd. I couldn’t relate at all. It was strange. I can appreciate a book that has references to faith, but this was just crazy talk in my opinion.

The Critic: Well, out of the 20 reviews on Amazon.com, all reviewers rated this book 5 out of 5 stars.  I don’t know, I just don’t get it.

Side Note: This book was given to us by a wonderful family member, and I truly appreciate the gesture! It just didn’t strike a chord with me unfortunately {fortunately if you think about it (?)}. But, that’s how books go; some love, some hate, some are indifferent. In this case, I was unable to connect. I appreciate the story for the time period it was written in, but I was left wanting more depth to Dale’s true emotions.

Next up: The Shape of the Eyes by George Estreich. A big thank you to Dana Carter for this book.

Day Off, Schmay Off!

I had the red one. Bleh!

I was fortunate enough to have today off due to some “can’t work over 45 days in a row” rule at my school district. However, it was definitely not a relaxing day by any means, starting off with a trip to LabCorp at 7:30 for my glucose tolerance test. Unfortunately by the time I got there and was ready for my test I forgot my paperwork, and I had to turn around, and fight traffic and school busses to get home.  On my way home I may or may not have obnoxiously honked my horn at some random contractor who may have been on his cell phone and may have cut me off… I may have also called this individuals company and may or may not have yelled on the answering machine diming his rear end out. But I have a horrible memory, so this may not have happened. One the way back, I noticed I had zero, zilch, nada gas. Ugh, what else!? So, after my quick pit stop I finally returned to LabCorp about 40 minutes later. Needless to say, I chugged the sickeningly sweet pseudo-Gatorade in under 10 seconds and receive quite the praise from the two other mommas in the room. It tasted like drinking a large Jolly Rancher vodka shot, sans vodka with about 50 added packets of sugar. Clearly I wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible. Wes hated that stuff by the way; he was freaking out and I thought I was going to either puke or pass out from all of that sugar. Maybe this is a good sign that I don’t ingest enough sugar in my diet to have gestational diabetes? God, I hope so! After an hour of waiting on only 2 eggs and a handful of peanuts for energy, I finally gave blood and got my butt out of there and scarfed an energy bar, followed by a huge mustard and cheese sandwich, grapes, half sleeve of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies after my epic fail trip to Wal-Mart {getting there}, and God knows what else since I don’t remember what I eat anymore. Maybe I should take back that comment about not ingesting much sugar in my diet.

Anyway, while at LabCorp I was being a good multi-tasker and preparing my coupons for my freeponing trip {i.e. using coupons to get things

How long will it take to train them to flush?

for free} to Wal-Mart. Well, this turned out to be an epic FAIL. I had all my coupons ready for free Vaseline hand cream, Aquafresh toothpaste {trial size, of course}, Breathe Right Strips, Bic Pens, and Scotch Brite sponges. Were these items anywhere to be found? NO! This is my second frustrating moment of the day; I spent an hour preparing my shopping trip {not including my time spent at 6 this morning getting my list typed out} and I was foiled by those annoying EXTREME COUPONERS! Okay, I love to get a bargain, but by no means do I go to the extent of stealing coupons and emptying shelves. It’s uncalled for. Yes, I do have quite the stock pile, but this is my way of providing when I make very little money at the job I do right now. It is fun as heck to get a bargain, and I encourage others to be a Krazy Coupon Lady along with me. {Next up, training the cats to use the toilet} Then you have more money to do things that you need/ want to like home improvements, go on trips, go out to dinner or pay for bills.

So, the highlight of the day happened when I went to Giant after my extremely disappointing trip to Wally World. There I purchased 29 items {all that I will actually use!} for the low, low price of $36.99. I saved $50.73 using coupons that doubled and my Bonus Card. SWEET! In that order I got a little Krazy when I saw that there were Almay and Revlon products at 50% or greater mark down. I purchased $18 of products for less than $4! Then, I saw that Giant was offering a deal where when you spend $15 on Suave, Dove, and Vaseline products, you get $5 off instantly. I purchased 6 Suave body washes and 1 Dove deodorant for $4.25. Maybe I didn’t need these items right now, but it made me feel good when I got an approving laugh from my husband followed by an, “Alright babe!” Now that was a highlight to my day!

So, a sucky day turned out to be pretty good in the end, though I still had to return out into the wilderness to get an oil change. Luckily we had a coupon for that as well; buy 1 oil change {at $42.35} get 3 free oil changes rock! Speaking of oil change, I did read a book on Down syndrome while waiting for my car to be done. I will have a review on that later. In any event, happy Monday!

Great blogs

I’m still learning how to use WordPress, so until I figure out how to post my favorite Down syndrome & “frugality” blogs on my home page, I will include them in this post!  Check them out, they’re awesome!

Down syndrome blogs:

Noah’s Dad:  http://noahsdad.com/

Enjoying the Small Things: http://www.kellehampton.com/

Our unexpected journey:  http://wwwourunexpectedjourney.blogspot.com/

Ski’ing Through Life: http://skiingthroughlife.wordpress.com/

Those Newmans {Ds pregnancy blog}: http://barryandashley.wordpress.com/

Frugality blogs:

The Krazy Coupon Lady: http://thekrazycouponlady.com/

For the Mommas: http://forthemommas.com/

Frugal Mom: http://www.frugalmom.net/blog/

Condo Blues: http://condo-blues.blogspot.com/

Super Excited!

Just a quick blurb today… I am going to see Erin and Grady this weekend, and I am so excited!  Erin is a new friend of mine, though we went to high school together. Ten years later we bonded over our two sons who share a chromosome for awesomeness. Thank God for Facebook and other social networking sites, otherwise I would be at a loss.  Though books are a great source of information and comfort, nothing is better than sharing stories personally!

December 5, 2011 stalker-ific post: “Hi Erin I was wondering if there was a way I may contact you? Your Grady and my little Wes have something special in common, and I would love to talk with you about our boys. Hope all is well! Adrienne”

In any event, Erin and I are meeting up to scout out locations to take my maternity pictures. She takes the most amazing photos that evoke so much emotion. I look forward to sharing the pictures on my blog and showing my ever expanding waistline!

Check out her blog at http://skiingthroughlife.wordpress.com/

{I hope I didn’t embarrass you, Erin!}

Pregnancy is getting to me

So this week I officially kick off my third trimester and enter into my 27^th week of pregnancy! What better way to kick off my third trimester than a complete shift in my sleep patterns, hormones, and feelings of adequacy.

Long gone are the days when I would sleep for hours once I got home from work, and fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow at night because now I am riddled with a restless brain that will not quit. {This does not even take into account the midnight and 4 a.m. potty breaks, excessive coughing due to the dry air, and kicks at all hours when at one point they were predictably from 7-9 a.m. and 4-9 p.m.} And let’s not leave out the severe break outs I have been getting all over my back and face which further increases my anxiety and significantly affects my confidence level.

Around 23 weeks. I'm 27 weeks now. New Pictures to come!

I’m not sure what happened, but I know it all began once I returned back to work from a week’s long winter break during the holidays. Before the break I was so motivated. Everyone at work would yell at me to slow down and just put my feet up. The last thing I want to do as a pregnant woman is to look like I am a slow and an unproductive employee. When you work at a middle school, it’s necessary to always be on your game otherwise those kids will instinctively know that you are weak, and that’s the last thing I want. I love the connections I’ve made with these students, however lately I feel as though these relationships have become strained due to my exhaustion of carrying around an extra 25lbs. Me before winter break was very nice and happy; I would look students in the eye and smile saying “hello!” or “how are you doing today?”. Now it’s a little different. I find myself retreating back into my mind and walking through the halls of the school as if I just want to get from point a to point b. I feel like I’m neglecting my kids, and in return some of them are avoiding my eyes when I gather the strength to work through my exhaustion and try to mend those bonds.

I am also faced with the stress that I am still not in a contract position. At my school I am a building sub. I really love this job because I have the opportunity to teach kids from 5^th – 8^th grade {I love those “wonder years”!} as well as children in special education and life skills classes. However, it is not something that I can do forever, nor can I do it next year when Wes is here. Financially, it’s just not possible. I live over 20 miles away and after the cost of a decent day care and gas to get to work, I will basically break even and lose time with my son during the most important years of his development. Though there may be two special education jobs available next year, there is no guarantee that I will be in either of these positions. I have learned after three years searching for a teaching job that not to count on anything until it is in writing.

The exhaustion that I am experiencing is starting to make me feel concerned that my superiors are seeing how less productive I have been as compared to the beginning of the school year. I am sure that this is just in my head, but I see the way that colleagues look at me lately. They know that I am not the same and I can’t help but wonder if their concern is due solely to my pregnancy or because of Wes and his diagnosis, or a little bit of both. Being pregnant with a child can bring a lot of anxiety in general {especially when your belly turns into your “eyes”}, but being {knowingly} pregnant with a child with differing abilities can be stressful. I am not stressed at Wes’s differences; I find him an absolute joy and I haven’t even met the kid. I am stressed by what others are thinking when they see me have a bad day. Do they realize that I am just plum tired, or are they thinking that I am overwhelmed with the knowledge that my child has Down syndrome?

Regardless if this is the reality or just my perception, I am unable to change how others see me at this time.  I am exhausted. I am experiencing feelings of inadequacy and low confidence. I feel like a hormonal teenager that thinks everyone is looking at me.   If it is reality that people feel bad for me, then I just need to prove them wrong once Wes is here.  Right now though, I just need to remember that I am pregnant and I have the right to feel yucky and run down. I also must keep things in perspective; if I think the lack of sleep and anxiety is bad now, it will be much stronger once he’s here! Oh the joys of impending parent-hood!

A Dad’s Viewpoint

It only seems natural to kick off this blog by stating the inspiration and chain of events surrounding its beginning.  My wife, I’m sure, will tell a slightly different (and longer!) side of the story, but it will lead to the same place, which is our unborn son Wes.  There are several moments during this pregnancy that will be engrained in my mind forever.  When Adrienne came to a tennis match I was coaching with a card to let me know that she was pregnant.  When we first got to see our baby on an ultrasound.  When we found out that we were having a boy.  And when we found out 30 minutes later that he most likely had Down syndrome.

From that day on, we have experienced a wide range of emotions: sadness, anger, joy, excitement, anxiety, and love…just to name a few.  The news was shocking at first, and not knowing much about Down syndrome, we were panicked and distraught.  We wondered if Wes would be able to enjoy life and experience all the things parents hope for their children.  We asked the doctor and each other for all the possible explanations we could think of, but there is really just one answer – fate.  There is a reason that we are going to be blessed with Wes in our family, and I know in my heart that we will look back and know that Wes is the best thing that could have ever happened in our lives!