Can’t I just sleep through these next two months?

Today we have our meeting at the Easter PA Down Syndrome Center in Trexlertown. I’m pretty excited to get more information to better help us with Wes, but my excitement is being entirely overrun by my complete exhaustion, terrible memory and crankiness. It doesn’t take a lot to feel run down lately and my baby isn’t set to arrive until two months from today. TWO!

Recently, I’ve downloaded this neat little app on my phone {Astrid Task} which I’m hoping will help me to feel motivated to get work done around the house and keep my life in order. Well for the most part, tasks are going in and few are being checked off. Let’s review, shall we?

Well, aren't we chipper!?

Task 1, Organize coupon binder: Yes, well this is being done in spurts because once I attempt to start clipping and organizing, I feel my blood pressure rise, feel faint and hungry and then I need to lie down. There have been three attempts at this over the course of 24 hours.

Task 2, Prepare grocery list and meals for the week: I don’t want to cook, hence I don’t want to search online for deals or even go into my freezer to see what I need. It’s a vicious cycle. Plus, one computer doesn’t print coupons {The coupon printer, regardless of how many times either of us has uninstalled and reinstalled it, will not work. PERIOD.}, and the other computer works when it feels up to it. I am on the finikie computer as I type, which is probably the worst idea ever.

Not to self: Save doc every minute.

Task 3, Send work docs to unknown women who is in search of a tutor for a kid at some unknown school in the Reading area: Ok, so I actually did this one this morning, but I don’t know a thing about this kid, nor have I interviewed with this company. However, the woman is sending me over this kid’s IEP (IEP!!!!) via email so that I know what his needs are. Umm, hello? Who sends an IEP to someone they don’t know? Besides, is this kid at Wyomissing, Governor Mifflin, Exeter, or Reading? I have no clue! I am assuming that at $35/ hr. with $0.55 per mile for gas, it’s not a Reading student. In any event, this will give me something to do a couple hours a week before and after baby. I know people say that they tend to hibernate once the baby comes, but God knows, my husband knows, any of my family members and friends know, that would be a very bad idea. I am a crotchety person when I am either over or under stimulated. Yes, I am finicky.

Task 4, Vacuum: Vacuuming is the bane of my existence, along with emptying my faulty dishwasher, cleaning my bathroom and keeping my closet organized. I have never been a fan of any of these chores and I never will be. John is well aware of my affliction, but he still thinks I can change. Fat chance, honey. Keep in mind, when John first met me and saw my apartment, there was a trail of clothes (read: 2ft pile) on the floor leading to my walk-in closet that had basically no clothes in it.  When we moved into our new home, he bought be plastic drawers on wheels {I’m pretty sure it was a birthday present, LOL} so I could better organize myself. Ha! Yeah, good one. So, he’s resigned himself to shoving my clothes that are falling out of my closet back in and shutting the door. Good choice! This who vacuuming thing doesn’t suite me at this point because not only do I become obsessive with making perfect lines in the carpet {odd for a pseudo-slob}, but it throws my hips and back out of whack. See, I have a good excuse!

Task 5, Write “Thank You” notes: This is so easy to do, why do I put it off? I seem to have a lot to say on this blog, but you put a pencil and paper in front of me and I’m lost. What are these primitive objects? I blame this on being a lefty – yes, and that’s all. I have no true excuse. Why do you think my thank yous from the wedding were Shutterfly images thanking our guests while simultaneously wishing everyone a Happy New Year? {Which was nearly 6 months after the wedding.}

Task 6, Get a nice shirt for my shower: I’m huge, the last thing I want to do is buy something that will fit this body. My lower half looks like an inner tube is wrapped around my body, like one of those kids bathing suites where they’re intact. D’ah! By the way, how is it that I’m LOSING weight now? Today, I ate 3 servings of breakfast; bagel with butter, yogurt mixed with cheerios, and two eggs over easy and two pieces of buttered toast, all before 10am. Oh, and let’s not forget the 2 pizzas from Dominoes that we’ve been eating since Friday.  I’m kinda wondering if the pizza had a tapeworm in it because I can’t seem to keep the pizza down for long, if you get my drift. Hmmm… In all seriousness folks, fatty Patty here went from 181 to 175 in two weeks? I’m happy to lose the poundage, but I’m not sure if this is okay or normal.  Wait, wasn’t this rant about a shirt for my shower??

Task 7, Paint nails: I’d rather someone else do it, but I’m too thrifty to go the salon. That’s all I have to say about that, Jenn-ay.

Task 8, Make blueberry tea for the shower: I guess I can do this on Friday, but will I remember?

Task 9, Take nephew to the movies: Last week, I promised my “never forgets a thing” nephew that I would take him to the movies on Sunday. Did I remember? NO! This is why I downloaded this stinkin’ app in the first place! Anyway, I’m hoping to take him tomorrow night, maybe a TT and D dinner and a movie date. I hope I remember!

Anyway, those are my tasks for the day, week, month, never? Hopefully it will get me going, but hoping doesn’t get me anywhere unless I do something about it. I do have plans on going to the grocery store today, but now my phone is dead, so it needs to be charged in the event I go to the store and my water breaks and I can’t call John to save the day. Fat chance that will happen, but it keeps me procrastinating longer and longer.

Man, I am a shell of what I was just months ago. No motivation, I’m cranky {though I try to hide it behind my “sunny disposition”}, I’m exhausted, my feet, back, and uterus are sore, I’m fat, and I just want to do, well, nothing. Grrrr….

The Replacement Word

Edited:I was grumpy, haha!

You know you’ve said it, I’ve said it. Who hasn’t at least one point in their life? But what does it mean, and what intention are you trying to give when you say it, and who are you hurting?

Recently, I’ve seen {on Facebook} and heard {among adults and kids alike} an overuse of many filler words, including variations of retard and gay. So what’s the big deal? Well, the big deal is when you’re an adult, or old enough to think critically, drive, drink, be married, etc. don’t use it.

Yes, I swear on occasion. Typically, someone needs to get me really heated or behave in a disrespectful manner to get a reaction out of me. However, I will not use the words, retard or gay in a negative manner. That’s just simply rude.   Let’s look at some ways in which these words are used and how they can be used more effectively… because come on, after awhile do you think that using the same filler word holds much merit in what you’re trying to express? No, you just look like a fool.

Is it a form of loving play between you and your loved one?

“Awe honey, you’re such a retard.”

Let’s try this: “Awe honey, you’re being ____________.”

What about, cute, sweet, silly, a goof ball, ridiculous, an annoyance, a nudge?

Is it your way of showing displeasure in another?

“Stop being a retard!” or “Stop acting gay!”

Let’s try this: “Stop being a __________!”

What about, jack ass {you may offend a donkey}, dope, booger, jerk?

“That’s so retarded/ gay!”

Let’s try this: “That’s so ___________!”

What about, stupid {defended/ defined below}, absurd, obnoxious, ridiculous, unreal, or crazy?

stu·pid {Dictionary.com}

1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.

2. characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question.

3. tediously dull, especially due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless: a stupid party.

4. annoying or irritating; troublesome: Turn off that stupid radio.

5. in a state of stupor; stupefied: stupid from fatigue.

Honestly, if a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yea, it probably makes a sound, but does it really matter? Well, that’s up to you. The same goes for swearing in public {even group settings} and using poor filler words. Sure, say it around your significant others and dearest friends that you’re not going to offend, but please limit the use in public settings. You never know who you may hurt.

If you’re like me and you want to stop the spread of using the R-word, click the link to Spread the Word to End the Word… http://www.r-word.org/r-word-pledge.aspx

Biweekly Update: 30 Weeks

How far along? 30 weeks, 5 days

How big is Wes? Approximately 3lbs. and somewhere between 14”-16” long.

Health of Wes? He is doing great. His heart rate is at 140 which is perfect. He is moving like crazy and even when I’m lounging; it’s still not enough room for him! Last night I felt him twinkle his toes up high and pinch my sides. What a nudge!

Health of Momma? Doing good; I actually lost 2lbs,but I think that’s due to wearing lighter clothing. I so did not want to weight more this time around, ha! It also helps that it’s warm outside. As usual, blood pressure is a healthy 100/60. I really don’t know how I can be so healthy with the amount of sweets I eat.

Weight gain? 29lbs. gained! Not bad when I think about how healthy my appetite is.

Maternity clothes update? My maternity dresses are turning into inappropriate miniskirts. Looks like it’s time to stick to pants. My early push present is a shopping trip for yoga pants, tanks, nursing bras, nursing tanks, and a nursing gown for after delivery. Not a fun gift, but totally reflects my practical nature. Can’t wait to shop!

Stretch Marks? No marks, woohoo!

Skin? My poor back is so broken out! I try everything from acne wash to lotion – I just don’t know what to do? I know that my face needs to be moisturized so it doesn’t break out, but I don’t think it helps with my back. Also, the cellulite is unreal – it’s e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e.

Sleep? I sleep well as long as Wes is comfortable. If he’s not, it’s torture for hours.

Best moment this week? Watching the beautiful video that Erin made for us!

Movement? Swirls and twirls! The coolest feeling is when he taps his toes on my ribs.

Food cravings? Hoagies, cilantro, pickles, Wawa milkshakes and sour candies.

Labor signs? Nothing at all – awesome!

Belly button in or out? No change; only pops out when I eat too much or lay flat.

What I miss? Clear skin, not having back fat, wearing dress shoes, visible knees, walking without swaying, sitting forward, having a single chin, and beer. Mostly, I miss beer.

What I am looking forward to? The fun showers coming up including Mystic’s baby shower, my baby shower and Jane’s bridal shower. Yeah!

Biweekly wisdom? The turtle and snake analogy:  Mr. Snake approaches Mr. Turtle on a river bank and asks Mr. Turtle for a ride across the water since he can’t swim the river himself. Mr. Turtle politely refuses to oblige, reasoning that if he were to give Mr. Snake a ride across the river, he would surely be bitten. Mr. Snake protests saying that it would be foolish for him to bite the one carrying him, since it would result in him perishing also. Mr. Turtle considers the argument, then agrees to ferry Mr. Snake over the broad river. When they are half-way across the river Mr. Turtle feels a sharp pain and realizes he has been bitten by Mr. Snake. As the venom is beginning to take effect, Mr. Turtle sadly and resolutely asks Mr. Snake why he bit him, since the biting will also result in Mr. Snake’s demise. A wry smile came upon Mr. Snake’s face. “I bit you because I am a snake Mr. Turtle; that is my nature.”

Milestones? Two more biweekly appointments (with non-stress tests), then on to weekly appointments come April!

Waiting on Wes: A Love Story

I hope you have your Kleenex ready!  Erin, I can’t thank you enough…. You are an amazing friend!

Hospital Tour

This weekend John and I went to Paoli Hospital to tour the maternity “ward” {I guess you would call it that} along with other preggos like myself – well with the exception of the couple due late July {really?!}. Honestly, I would have gone on the tour early too, but I figured people would look at me funny… like I did towards that couple. Anyway, the tour was uneventful overall, but I found myself getting emotional at times. While the

Yikes!

nurse/ tour guide was educating us on break away beds and their requirements that father’s bring pajamas and not sleep in their underwear, I just kept thinking about how unprepared I am to be a first-time mom let alone a mom of a child with special needs.  At the end of the tour John and I spoke with the nurse/ tour guide about what to expect during delivery knowing that our son would have special needs, and basically she said that she didn’t know. She referred me to other people to consult, such as hospital social services, etc., but to me, it was just another unanswered question. It was just like when I asked Dr. D who we should see for our pediatrician and he told us that, “Any pediatrician would do.” It’s so hard because all I want is for Wes to be treated like any other child, but I become frustrated when I’m told that there is nothing different, as far as care, that is necessary for him. Am I crazy for feeling this way?

In any event, John and I decided that we really needed to make a pre baby appointment with some experts in the field. So, I contacted the Eastern PA Down Syndrome Center in Trexlertown. The facility is fairly close to us and they are able to give us medical services for Wes along with support in finding adequate therapies, doctors in our area, and connections with local families in the Ds community. I’m really hoping that they will give us the answers we’re looking for. Within a day, Maria from the center contacted us back which was really great, and she pretty much knew what we needed to hear.

“…The main thing to remember is that your son is a baby first and foremost and his needs will be the same as any newborn.  If you are prepared for that you are more than half way there…”

I know that this is exactly what others were telling me, but I needed to hear it from someone who really knew.

So, we’re waiting to hear back from Maria and hopefully we can meet with her as soon as possible.

Sneak Peak: Maternity pictures

Speaking of gratitude, a big THANK YOU to my dear friend, Erin. She is the owner of Eve’s Wish Photography in Orange County, New York. She does great maternity and baby pics as well as wedding photos! Check her out on Facebook at Eve’s Wish Photography and her blog Ski’ing Through Life {which is a link under my blog roll}.

 

Gratitude

Since finding out about Wes’s diagnosis, a lot of blessings have come our way.  The generosity of others has been immense; from my mom coming down to be with me the day after our 1:4 diagnosis bearing food and support, to the outpouring of hope and love from others within the Down syndrome community that I was fortunate to meet on Babycenter and Facebook. Family, friends, colleagues and complete strangers have all displayed such kindness, love and sincerity whether it be through giving advice or an ear when I was feeling unsure, gifts and messages of hope.  To all of you, I express my sincerest gratitude.

Gratitude is something that took me a long time to understand, especially the direct connection to how it affects my life. A year ago, I was working at a different school where I can honestly say I was unhappy. But one day a teacher friend of my told me about something she did that entirely changed her outlook on life. She gave thanks for her blessings every day in a journal regardless of her mood at that moment. If a particular student was giving her a hard time that day, she would write about how thankful she was for her job and supportive thoughts for that particular child. If something bothered her at home, she would acknowledge those feelings and then write something she was grateful for, such as her kids, her husband, or something specific like a mini achievement.

At first it was hard for me to find gratitude in life and take this friend’s advice. I was an underemployed, over utilized, unappreciated middle school aid, making $60 a day {before taxes} who had already been looking for a teaching position for two years. This, on top of the failure I felt by not succeeding in a business career {my original degree} brought out the worst in me. In my opinion, life sucked at that point. Numerous fruitless interviews over the years and jobs that just did not pan out weighed on me like winter nights in Fairbanks, Alaska. What I failed to acknowledge was how blessed I really was.  This acknowledgement came in the summer of 2011 after a series of events.

In March of 2011 I quit my job to follow a potential six-weeks teaching position for the end of the school year. I was very unhappy where I was, so this opportunity was an excuse to leave early. As usual, I counted my eggs before they hatched, and that job fell through because of events that were out of anyone’s control. No problem, a little set back was normal for me and by this time I was used to it. Shortly thereafter, I had what I considered an amazing opportunity to teach for the entire year at that same school. I really thought I was a shoe-in, partly because this was the same school where two previous job opportunities fell through and I had a good reputation and relationship with the administration and staff. Unfortunately, I did not get the position. I was shocked and distraught this time around. This was my third “rejection” from the school I loved so much. I couldn’t help but ask myself and anyone who’d deal with my complaining, “Why did this happen to me?” “I’m a good teacher, why can’t I get a job?” and “I do everything right, this is not fair!” I had all these expectations of myself and I just couldn’t deal with the rejection any more.

Earlier that year, John and I decided that we wanted to start a family as soon as the new school year arrived. We assumed that I would have a job by then and that they baby would arrive around the end of the school year. Feeling this rejection made me feel unworthy of having a child because I could not personally support him or her, regardless of John’s work status or income. {I don’t care what people say, it’s his earned money, not mine! I needed to earn my keep.}  These feelings just consumed me and the fear at nearly 28 without a child just made me feel hopeless. Would I be able to have a child, let alone two or three after 30? Would I even have a job then?

Returning back to the day I found out that I did not get that job, I was given a choice; I could take the alternate position offered to me or potentially go down another career path out of sheer frustration. I wasn’t sure immediately, but then someone told me exactly what I needed to hear but did not know it at the time.

“You can still be a mom. Don’t let not having your career stand in your way of what you really want to do.”

Wow.

All this time I was waiting for permission to do what I really wanted to do and what I knew would make me happy. I just wanted someone to tell me that it was alright and that just because I did not live up to my expectations didn’t mean that I had to deny myself my happiness.

This is where my story began; this is where gratitude took over feelings of doubt, negativity and despair. I started small, giving thanks in the best way possible. Words such as, “I am grateful for this job even though is it not what I want.” slowly evolved to, “I had an amazing day, I just made a kid laugh when she was crying.”, or “Yeah! The kids really connected to what I was teaching them today!” My focus shifted to what the world could do for me to what I can do for the world.

Gratitude.

Though I may not journal what I am grateful for, I acknowledge it now, one way or another. We can show gratitude for others, or simple little things that we experience throughout the day. It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of life that we don’t take time to reflect upon the amazing gifts that this world has to offer.

Right now I am writing at my dining room table with the back door open. Light is flooding through the dirty storm door and I’m thankful for the beauty of the pond in my back yard that is reflecting what is left of today’s sunlight. The birds are fluttering outside on the deck, entertaining my little furballs and making them chirp in delight. And, I have a little boy inside of me who is kicking so hard that I may pee my pants. Those little things are moments in time to be grateful for.

Sure, a little deep… oh well, so I will run with it!  In the words of a yoga instructor: Namaste.

Bloom

Kelle Hampton is inspirational and if you’re looking for a great blog to read, it would be hers. Two years ago her daughter Nella was born with a little extra love just like Wes.  Her book Bloom will be out this April and is currently available for presale on her website.  Enjoy!

 

Third Trimester Discoveries

Hahaha!

According to Old Wives Tales, I should be having a girl because “girls steal their mother’s beauty” and bring on severe nausea.  Well, unless Wes is contorting his arm/ leg, growing a large skin tag, or his DNA is lying, it’s clear we are having a boy. All I can say is, I hope these “side effects” disappear or don’t increase when we {hopefully} have a girl one day.

Morning sickness returned as soon as I hit 27 weeks {I am now in my 30^th week}.  I either have to eat constantly or drink a bubbly drink such as soda to keep me from yacking. During weeks 7-13 I had morning sickness which at one point escalated to severe vomiting followed by a lovely prescription for Zofran, an anti-nausea medication for those receiving chemotherapy. The foods and smells that I could tolerate during that time {Nature Valley granola bars, rice cakes, and Febreeze Air Fresheners} now make me want to vomit more than they did just a few weeks ago.  I subbed for a teacher this morning that I knew used that same Febreeze Air Freshener that was in my musty basement. I gagged immediately upon entering the room. Oh, the horror!

Morning sickness also comes out of nowhere. I really mean nowhere. 12:30am, check. 8:45am, check. 2:15pm, check. It doesn’t matter, and when it hits, it hits hard. Even food doesn’t help. I’m waiting for the moment I vomit on a student while teaching.

Cellulite turns up everywhere. From this pregnancy, I have developed cellulite on my upper arm, ankles, calves and my lower back.

When I thought for a moment that bacne stopped, it returned. D’ah! Yes, and now it’s in the form of cysts. I look so nasty!

I have not had cravings during my pregnancy until now. Last night my husband was going to make dinner for me as a Valentine’s Day gift. Well, just seeing that someone on Facebook was going to Pizza Hut for dinner entirely changed our plans. I never go to Pizza Hut or similar chains because I can’t stand how unhealthy the food is. Well, now I’m at Chick Fil’A, Panera, CiCi’s Pizza Buffet, etc. If you mention it, I’m there!

Oh, and let me tell you, for a girl who is lactose intolerant, I had no qualms about buying two refrigerator shelves full of chocolate pudding, cottage cheese, Giant brand yogurt, Okios yogurt, Yoplait yogurt, Yoplait Parfait yogurt, sour cream, shredded cheese, milk and creamer. It’s unreal how much I want, or need milk products.

With these new cravings, self-control is out the window.

I can now only sleep elevated on my back with my legs up and occasionally on my left side. If I even consider going on the right side I lose the ability to fully breathe, Wes freaks out and kicks me in the ribs and punches me in inconvenient places {which both feel like someone whacked my funny bone}. I’m beginning to toy with the idea of sleeping on the couch.

I have constant nose bleeds. ‘Nuf said.

I think I am developing Eczema in random spots – frustrating!

 

“So Complaindrienne, what is good about third trimester?”

 Good question, my sleep is back and I’m closer to holding my little chili pepper! It’s worth it!

Biweekly Update: 28 Weeks

Tonight I had one of my many Wes appointments, and I figured I would start updated everyone in an easy to read checklist. I have to admit that I did borrow this from Kristin, who has a wonderful blog at http://www.ourgrowinggarden.com. Thank you so much in advance for your great idea!

How far along? 28 weeks, 5 days

How big is Wes? Unknown, but typical babies are closing in on 15 inches at this point. I’ve been getting a lot of kicks in the center of my belly, so I’m thinking that’s my little man kneeing me.  At last check 2 weeks ago, he was 2.3lbs.

Health of Wes? He’s fantastic! His heart is strong as ever and the doctor was impressed with his kicks. I love how he always moves with gusto. He’s my spicy little chili pepper! {BTW, I totally Googled chili pepper baby costumes and they do exist! I have to get it for Halloween!}

Health of Momma? My uterus is as strong as an ox, blood sugar is excellent, blood pressure is 110/60 however, I am fat as ever! I’ve developed cellulite on my upper arms (huh!?), shelf butt, unrecognizable knees, and cankles. D’ah!!! Oh, and my mind is mush.

Weight gain? In 7 months, I’m now 31lbs heavier. John was kindly cheering me on when I stepped on the scale. Nothing like hearing, “Go, go, go, go!” as I nudge the scale from what used to start at the 100s to the 150s with that little dial smack in the middle. D’oh! Then the jerk tried stepping on the scale himself and I refused to let him. He finds it hysterical that I’m merely pounds from outweighing him! Hahaha!

Maternity clothes update? I ripped my pants. You heard me correctly. I also no longer fit into my maternity smalls {which probably began in December} and the muffin top that was finally pulled from the weight of the belly is back and reappearing over my pants. LOVELY! Also, all of my dresses are jacked up so high now that they’re borderline inappropriate to wear to work. I have resigned myself to wearing glorified yoga pants to work. I’m also weeks away from wearing sandals.

Stretch Marks? None, thankfully! I am now thankful for being a fat teenager and retained that glorious stretchy skin!

Skin? My acne has slowed down, but has not disappeared entirely. It’s still so frustrating!

Sleep? Like a champ again. Actually, I don’t get enough and I may revert to my 3 hour naps after school.

Best moment this week? Finding out that I DO NOT need a second glucose test and my blood sugar is fine. The doctor said that I “aced the test.”
Movement? Jabs into my upper right rib section and head bumps that are rather inconvenient.

Food cravings? PB&J sammies, oatmeal in cold milk (yep, no heating up involved), milk, milk and more milk.

Labor signs? Braxton Hicks occasionally, especially when I walk too fast or for too long. I also started getting lower abdomen cramping occasionally, so hopefully that’s all normal!

Belly button in or out? Flat-ish, but mildly sticks out when I eat too much.

What I miss? Walking and breathing at the same time.

What I am looking forward to? My photo shoot with Erin this weekend! {and, my maternity leave 3/29}

Weekly wisdom? Don’t let stress or work get to you. Also, smart kids are really annoying and full of themselves. I am so happy to have Wes, who is an average kid in my mind/ heart.  I can’t wait to tell Wes, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” But, the teacher in me will probably use correct grammar!

Milestones? Third trimester baby!  Starting 2 week appointments!